Dream Journal 3

Dream:

I'm sitting at a table with other men with age ranges in their 30's to 50's.  I'm getting into arguments with them about various matters.  There are a few instances where things almost get violent.  I'm constantly having to explain my position to stop some of them from attacking me.  No attacks happen.  I don't remember all the conversation material, but I do remember me saying that people need to work 20 hours a week, and not 40, so that people can have more time for self-reflection.  The focus of the discussion seems to be me trying to advocate for a more spiritual life, emphasizing spirituality being more important than materialism.  

Next we are at a lake, and there are many different men who are diving deep into the lake.  I'm swimming above water with a snorkel, and I don't want to dive down into the depths for fear of not being able to hold my breath very long and suffocating.  I then remember the Wim Hoff method to be able to hold my breath longer, and I tell one of the others about it, trying to show him youtube videos on a large screen.  He then asks me why this is important.  I then tell him I have chronic fatigue and other health issues.

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Perspective:  Perhaps this was some kind of test from others.  Anyway, my stance is that if people are doing something they hate in order to live, they should not be working 40 hours or more per week because working too many hours of menial labor per week is abusive.  If everyone contributed 20 hours of menial labor per week, without living off the government, perhaps there would be no need for 40+ hour work weeks.  Unfortunately the situation has been that too much responsibility is placed on 9-5ers while too many other people live off the government.  

If people are doing what they love to live, they will naturally work 40 hours or more per week because they will desire to do so, which is a good thing.  

In my own life, I have thus far failed to find something that I love to do, and I have become somewhat of a bum who only wants to contribute as little to society as possible in order to survive.  I am extremely frugal regarding certain matters, being able to live off very little income.  I don't use food stamps or assistance from the government to live, which is a plus, but when I was working, I cut my hours back to the 20's range because my job was something I was merely tolerating in order to survive.  

For a very long time, I have felt inadequate in life.  This brings me a very deep sense of sadness, because I feel that I could have amounted to so much more, but instead I am living the life of a "drifter" as described in Napoleon Hill's book, "Outwitting the Devil."  I have made many attempts to commit to something, but I quickly lose interest and fizzle out, over and over again.  That is unfortunately my life pattern.  It's no good to just feel sorry for myself, but apparently I can't help it.  I feel that I'm a free-loader, using technology I have zero understanding of in order to live, and without such technology, I would probably not survive very long.  I feel weak and pathetic.  I'm actually about to cry as I'm writing this.  Me being this way probably has something to do with the Eris square Pluto, but I've been this way when there was not an Eris square Pluto.  I haven't gotten this sad about it before though.

Regarding the lake in the dream, the lake is the astral.  I didn't want to dive very deep into the astral, at least in this particular case.