Going All Out This Time, and No Turning Back

I'm uncertain about revealing certain things I do, but I will reveal that I've decided to start doing the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram and Middle Pillar exercises.  The LBRP and MP enhance my abilities and intelligence, but I stopped doing the LBRP and MP in the past because the experiences in the dreamstate became too disturbing.  Last night I did the LBRP before going to bed and had a sickening experience in the dreamstate:

I was 'touched' by someone in the dream in a very disgusting way close the armpit in the upper left arm/chest.  I woke up and started instinctively punching this area with my other arm, because physical pain was preferable to the absolutely vile feeling.  Then, in another dream early in the morning, I sensed the grey (or whatever this thing really is) was planning on invading again, but I made myself wake up before it showed itself.

I was researching people who have nightmares from doing the LBRP and MP, and found an interesting comment thread.

Most people don't have extremely negative dreams from doing the LBRP and MP.  Perhaps it's a cleansing process taking place, and I have far more to clear than the average person.  The extremely unpleasant dreams could be negative influences coming to light and being removed.  

More than anything, I want to be free.  I feel trapped where I'm at in life.  I feel like my life has amounted to very little.  Although I provide an excellent service to people at my place of work, I have a strong feeling that I have much more potential, and that I'm wasting it.  The LBRP and MP can help activate my mental powers to the point of being able to make a commitment to developing a special skill in the physical world, allowing me to have far more options in life.  This, along with other potentials, can be actualized with the LBRP and MP.

It's time to forget trying to save the world, and focus on saving myself.  It's not wrong to do this.  I've been ignoring my own garden for far too long, and it's unwise to try to save the world when one's own life is screwed up.  I've spent more than enough time trying to save the world anyway.  Other people can 'have all the fun they want' trying to be heroes, lol!  The true nature of being a hero is often missed.

Again, in the past I gave up on doing the LBRP and MP because I became so traumatized in the dreamstate.  Yet, the positive results are worth it, so I will 'man up.'

It's now or never.  

Things are about to get...intense for me, because now I'm more determined than ever to not allow intimidation to make me go back into my little cage.