Taking the Hits (Personal Post)

I get to the point where I do the Violet Flame, and I feel its power, but then there's this other feeling that comes up, telling me that "None of this is real, and you are a complete fool."  

I resist this, and keep pushing forward, but it comes back.  I'm even made to feel embarrassed to focus on the Violet Flame.

But I know it's real!  It's not just all in my head!  Yet, the feeling that calls me a fool becomes constant and unrelenting.  Then I shut down.  I lose my sense of who I am.  "What am I doing?  I don't know what I'm doing.  This isn't me."

Then I get burning and stinging sensations.  Yet, there is also Light that I can feel, possibly coming from the Light Forces.

So, I get back up again.  

Perhaps it's ok to stop believing for a while, and then start again later after a rest.  Yet, when I stop believing, attacks can come through, kicking me when I'm down.  I'm not very concerned though.  I guess there's a fly buzzing around.  That's all their attacks are to me.  I can take the hits.  I wonder how many more hits they can take though...

Everything has its place.  There are times to forget about everything and enjoy the many pleasant feelings from Earth's many beautiful surroundings. 

When something has to be forced to keep it going, it becomes less effective.  No one should be expected to do all the work by themselves.  

I'll also keep in mind that believing is subject to doubt.  Knowing, however, is not.