The Beast Within Has Revealed Itself, Finally
In the past, the dreamstate was primarily used to abuse me. Now, the dreamstate is changing more and more to reveal things about myself. I may be putting myself ‘on the line’ for revealing this, giving negative forces ammunition to use against me, but I also know that I can access the Violet Flame to clear this at any time.
The dreamstate a couple hours ago was this:
I have some friends over to visit. Some of them are people I know. My room has a bunk bed, where I am sleeping on the top bunk, and a male and female friend are sleeping on the bottom bunk. They keep making out with each other, and I put on earplugs because I am disgusted by the kissing sounds. They are going to have sex because they think I am asleep. The earplugs don’t help, and in aggravation, I surprise them when I tell them, “Get a room!” The male friend is understanding, but the female is upset and feels that I have no right to tell them to leave. They leave though, but I’m up and following them because the female keeps arguing with me.
Then, I’m alone in my room trying to go to sleep (trying to go to sleep when I’m of course already asleep), but the anger is overpowering. I keep thinking about how I never get the girl and so forth. I then do something I haven’t done in a while, which is to scream through my head really loud. The screaming is a loud sound that goes through my physical brain. It’s like an an energy surge of pure hatred. The screaming energy surge is so intense that it’s a noise that no human can make.
Analysis of the dream:
When I was a child, the first girl I ever had a crush on rejected me over and over. Then, later on as a child, this was repeated with a different girl. I had a crush on this second girl throughout High School. She always just wanted to be friends, and the thought of us going out with each other repulsed her. She even said so once sometime around the 4th grade. I remember the last day of my senior year of high school, when I was driving a Geo Metro, and she was with this other guy, kissing him next to his sports car. There were also many other instances of male friends of mine who were with their girlfriends in High School, while I was alone. I did have a girlfriend once, but at the time I wasn’t attracted to her, and others thought she was unattractive, so I pretended to cheat on her in order to dump her.
In adulthood I would be at parties and I would like a female, and she would end up going home with another guy who was treating her like crap. The main point is that my main experiences in childhood and adulthood were rejection from the opposite sex. And then, ‘less attractive’ females would be attracted to me when I was not attracted to them. To make matters worse, other gay males would be attracted to me, and at one point I even tried to become gay, when I don’t think I’m gay.
I then watch other people start families when I’m always alone, the ‘odd one out.’
The dream revealed that I have a very deep anger for being left out. In my childhood I was also not allowed to do things the other ‘big kids could do,’ so my ‘life story’ is to be left out, and what greater thing is there to be excluded from, than having a significant other and romantic love? This is why I strongly adopted the ‘lone wolf’ mentality, and sought occult abilities and powers to make up for being so left out.
Being left out of romantic relationships crossed over into being left out of having finances as well. I would keep having scenarios where I would watch other people ‘make it big’ and be financially successful in life, while I would be pretty much broke. Others would have successful careers and/or monetary success while I was always at ‘rock bottom.’
My entire adult life has been one of enormous suffering and anguish. My hatred runs much deeper than I realize. I am extremely angry as I am writing this, but I also have I Am presence coming through enough to be able to remain calm enough to be coherent.
My ‘mutation of consciousness’ now makes sense. Everything makes sense now. I was left out in life in the most extreme ways possible, and then I explored the occult to make up for this, and then was metaphysically abused in the most extreme ways possible, but then I had a higher aspect come through, and I wanted to do something good by assisting planetary liberation. It’s not all bad. It’s just that I have some… issues. (Maybe one way the negative forces attack is to try to mutate those who may be a threat to them into identifying with their perspectives over the course of their lives.)
These realizations about myself may be coming through as a result of the implants being cleared.
I am one angry, ANGRY individual. I’m probably one of the most angry people on Earth. The anger is so intense that it just exploded out of my brain, physically, a couple hours ago.
When I see people become wealthy, I hate them. When I see people who are in romantic relationships, they disgust me when they make out, and I hate them. I know it’s not right to hate them, but I’m just being completely honest about it. I’m not going to deny my feelings.
(I know that hating successful people is, in many cases, 'biting the hand that feeds me.' Many successful people create technologies that I use, such as this computer. I look at this from different angles, but the feeling is still there.)
Underneath the anger is a broken heart and feeling like the most victimized person on the planet. Again, maybe I shouldn’t feel this way, but I’m not trying to control the feelings. I’m being brutally honest about how I really feel.
I feel better now that I’ve written this. I’m more at peace now.
This was actually quite liberating. Now that I know the cause of why I am the way that I am, the only direction I can go is... up.
(I've been eating flaxseeds recently, which have clearing properties. Those who give flaxseeds a 'bad rap' could maybe reconsider their 'findings.')
I hope I’m not looked down upon for revealing this. Maybe there are those who feel that I’m unfit to be doing lightwork when it could be easily argued that I have signs of being anti-Goddess. I don’t know where I belong, but I do know that there are massive clearings taking place. Maybe my anger can change. Maybe I don’t have to be so left out in life in the future? Or, maybe I want it to be this way, so I can access different states of consciousness that feel more unique, being much more connected to environments instead of people.
Either way, I look forward to clearing more and more with the Violet Flame. When the energy can be felt physically, something truly monumental is taking place.
The dreamstate a couple hours ago was this:
I have some friends over to visit. Some of them are people I know. My room has a bunk bed, where I am sleeping on the top bunk, and a male and female friend are sleeping on the bottom bunk. They keep making out with each other, and I put on earplugs because I am disgusted by the kissing sounds. They are going to have sex because they think I am asleep. The earplugs don’t help, and in aggravation, I surprise them when I tell them, “Get a room!” The male friend is understanding, but the female is upset and feels that I have no right to tell them to leave. They leave though, but I’m up and following them because the female keeps arguing with me.
Then, I’m alone in my room trying to go to sleep (trying to go to sleep when I’m of course already asleep), but the anger is overpowering. I keep thinking about how I never get the girl and so forth. I then do something I haven’t done in a while, which is to scream through my head really loud. The screaming is a loud sound that goes through my physical brain. It’s like an an energy surge of pure hatred. The screaming energy surge is so intense that it’s a noise that no human can make.
Analysis of the dream:
When I was a child, the first girl I ever had a crush on rejected me over and over. Then, later on as a child, this was repeated with a different girl. I had a crush on this second girl throughout High School. She always just wanted to be friends, and the thought of us going out with each other repulsed her. She even said so once sometime around the 4th grade. I remember the last day of my senior year of high school, when I was driving a Geo Metro, and she was with this other guy, kissing him next to his sports car. There were also many other instances of male friends of mine who were with their girlfriends in High School, while I was alone. I did have a girlfriend once, but at the time I wasn’t attracted to her, and others thought she was unattractive, so I pretended to cheat on her in order to dump her.
In adulthood I would be at parties and I would like a female, and she would end up going home with another guy who was treating her like crap. The main point is that my main experiences in childhood and adulthood were rejection from the opposite sex. And then, ‘less attractive’ females would be attracted to me when I was not attracted to them. To make matters worse, other gay males would be attracted to me, and at one point I even tried to become gay, when I don’t think I’m gay.
I then watch other people start families when I’m always alone, the ‘odd one out.’
The dream revealed that I have a very deep anger for being left out. In my childhood I was also not allowed to do things the other ‘big kids could do,’ so my ‘life story’ is to be left out, and what greater thing is there to be excluded from, than having a significant other and romantic love? This is why I strongly adopted the ‘lone wolf’ mentality, and sought occult abilities and powers to make up for being so left out.
Being left out of romantic relationships crossed over into being left out of having finances as well. I would keep having scenarios where I would watch other people ‘make it big’ and be financially successful in life, while I would be pretty much broke. Others would have successful careers and/or monetary success while I was always at ‘rock bottom.’
My entire adult life has been one of enormous suffering and anguish. My hatred runs much deeper than I realize. I am extremely angry as I am writing this, but I also have I Am presence coming through enough to be able to remain calm enough to be coherent.
My ‘mutation of consciousness’ now makes sense. Everything makes sense now. I was left out in life in the most extreme ways possible, and then I explored the occult to make up for this, and then was metaphysically abused in the most extreme ways possible, but then I had a higher aspect come through, and I wanted to do something good by assisting planetary liberation. It’s not all bad. It’s just that I have some… issues. (Maybe one way the negative forces attack is to try to mutate those who may be a threat to them into identifying with their perspectives over the course of their lives.)
These realizations about myself may be coming through as a result of the implants being cleared.
I am one angry, ANGRY individual. I’m probably one of the most angry people on Earth. The anger is so intense that it just exploded out of my brain, physically, a couple hours ago.
When I see people become wealthy, I hate them. When I see people who are in romantic relationships, they disgust me when they make out, and I hate them. I know it’s not right to hate them, but I’m just being completely honest about it. I’m not going to deny my feelings.
(I know that hating successful people is, in many cases, 'biting the hand that feeds me.' Many successful people create technologies that I use, such as this computer. I look at this from different angles, but the feeling is still there.)
Underneath the anger is a broken heart and feeling like the most victimized person on the planet. Again, maybe I shouldn’t feel this way, but I’m not trying to control the feelings. I’m being brutally honest about how I really feel.
I feel better now that I’ve written this. I’m more at peace now.
This was actually quite liberating. Now that I know the cause of why I am the way that I am, the only direction I can go is... up.
(I've been eating flaxseeds recently, which have clearing properties. Those who give flaxseeds a 'bad rap' could maybe reconsider their 'findings.')
I hope I’m not looked down upon for revealing this. Maybe there are those who feel that I’m unfit to be doing lightwork when it could be easily argued that I have signs of being anti-Goddess. I don’t know where I belong, but I do know that there are massive clearings taking place. Maybe my anger can change. Maybe I don’t have to be so left out in life in the future? Or, maybe I want it to be this way, so I can access different states of consciousness that feel more unique, being much more connected to environments instead of people.
Either way, I look forward to clearing more and more with the Violet Flame. When the energy can be felt physically, something truly monumental is taking place.
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