Staying with Lightwork

My goal was to mix positive aspects of the occult, which is also known as the "Right hand path," with doing 2012 Portal meditations.  ("Positive aspects of the occult" means staying away from dark rituals, and only doing rituals for banishing and purification.)   My logic was that I would have more bases covered and be more powerful and effective by mixing both.  Also, 2012 Portal is well-versed in Astrology, which is considered to be a high occult science.  However, with the exception of Astrology, I've found that the occult has been an extremely destabilizing force.

Many times I had to stop looking at tarot cards because the dreamstate became too dangerous.  This has also been the case with traditional occult banishing rituals, such as the previously discussed Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram and Rose Cross.  This doesn't mean that all occult tools are evil, but maybe this cannot be mixed with lightwork.  Increasingly, experience is showing me that it's an either-or choice between being an occultist and being a lightworker.  

Harmonious energies can enter the body when doing lightwork, such as when accessing the Violet Flame, Pink Goddess Light, and White Fire of An.  Meanwhile, positive occult rituals cause me imbalance to the point of the nearly annihilating my entire being.  So, I'll come back to doing lightwork as my only 'esoteric practice', with my tail between my legs.

It's fine to read esoteric books to gain knowledge.  A couple examples: It's important to be in tune with the cycles of nature for health and well-being, connecting with the sun in the morning - an occult book might suggest this.  There is also occult literature describing better ways to breathe, which is highly beneficial.  However, in my case, positive occult rituals just don't mesh well.  Perhaps this would also be true of other lightworkers.  

There have been reports from others saying they've had very bizarre and damaging experiences with the occult, so it's not just me.  Others yet attribute their 'success in life' to the occult.  As always, one size does not fit all.