Vadim Zeland's "Reality Transurfing" Notes and Summaries, Chapter 12

Replace the intention of receiving with the intention of giving, and you will receive what you give up.

We tend to measure success by achievements and by the problems we’ve amassed.  Rather than solve problems, avoid coming across problems in the first place.  And, goals are achieved in an uncommon way, with outer intention.  

One way or another, achievements and problems are borne of relationships with others - personally and professionally.  

There is a way to have outer intention work independently of your will, but nonetheless in your favor.  

Outer intention can accomplish feats with the wave of a hand, because it does not want anything for itself.  It simply allows inner intention to work unhindered.  (Recap for new readers:  Inner intention is based on working hard for a goal, trying to force a goal to happen.  Outer intention is based on allowing a goal to realize itself.)

You can let go of your own inner intention to have outer intention work with the inner intention of others.  You can use the inner intention of others to accomplish your goals.  This may sound selfish, but this does not mean you are using or abusing others.  It’s more a matter of not getting in the way of others doing what they want to do.  

At the end of the day, all problems arise due to conflicts of interest surrounding inner intention.  Motivated by personal interests, one person tries to get something from another who has different plans, who want things done their way.  It’s a difficult task to fulfill the needs of both people, but only on the surface.  It’s just a matter of finding a common ground between each other’s inner intentions.  

Self-worth lies at the core of inner intention.  Pendulums are created by people, but then work independently, subjecting people to their laws.  Pendulums use importance to establish their control.

Advice that goes around:  “If you can’t change others, change yourself.”  This advice immediately causes inner discomfort and protest.  “So I am imperfect and need to change, but I so do not want to.”  And it’s quite right that you do not want to.  Do not try to change others, but also, do not try to change yourself.  Saying to change others or yourself is only from a standpoint of inner intention.  

Allow others to realize their inner intention.  The act of allowing stirs outer intention, which causes inner intention to be realized, seemingly of its own accord.  

Imagine a woman who wants to get married, but her would-be husband is reluctant, not wanting to. Working with inner intention, the woman focuses all her thoughts on persuading him to get married.  Yet, her desire and importance on getting married creates excess potential.  As a result, balanced forces will steal her loved one away.  The woman forces their relationship into a dependent relationship, making marriage the deal breaker.  “If you loved me, you would agree to marry me.”  

For outer intention to work, the woman would have to let go of her attachment to persuade her partner to marry her, and ask herself, “What does a man look for in a marriage?”  He wants to know that his needs will be met, and that he’ll feel loved, valued, respected, admired, etc.  If the woman’s energy was directed toward helping him meet these needs, she would not only meet her own goal, but would succeed in having her own similar needs met.  If the woman doesn’t believe her would-be husband deserves love and respect, why be with him in the first place?  

As a rule, people are so consumed with what they want to get from others, they do not bother to find out what those other people want.  By shifting your intention to the desires and motivations of others, you will easily find your own needs met.  All it takes for the woman is to ask what the focus is of her would-be husband’s inner intention.  This is like the fly that flies backwards from the paine of glass, finally spotting the open window.  

Focusing on the inner intention of someone else transforms your inner intention into outer intention.  

When at a party, everyone else is preoccupied with themselves and how they appear.  It’s not centered around you, so you can relax and be at ease.  

Setting the goal of acting in an unaffected manner does not work.  You can only achieve a state of being unaffected if you reduce importance.  However, this is not always easy.  It won’t happen ‘just like that.’  What is needed is to show interest in others.  Know that people are exclusively interested in themselves, so be interested in them too.  Shift your attention from yourself to others, and stop playing the game of inflating your self-worth.  Play the game of increasing the significance of others.  Listen to what they have to say, and observe.  You don’t have to be overly pleasing though.  Just go with the flow.  When shifting attention from yourself to others, the excess potential of self-importance will fade automatically.  Then, you will succeed in behaving naturally.  You attract attention to yourself by showing interest in others.

Don’t talk to people about what you are interested in.  Talk to them about what they are interested in, including themselves.  Then, people will have nowhere to retreat from your outer intention, which is always completely subtle in its workings.  It’s useless to try to get people to be interested in you, and is only from inner intention.  Even if you are a thousand times more attractive than you are now, people will still primarily be interested in themselves, only being interested in others as an afterthought.  

All the time you are trying to attract attention, you are thinking solely of yourself.  Yet, when you focus on someone else, you are fulfilling their inner intention.  Because you fulfill their need, others become interested in you.  

In everyday communication, it doesn’t matter how interesting you are.  What matters is how well someone else thinks you would suit them in a relationship.  This is what they are evaluating while communicating with you.  

When a person is with you, they are generally thinking of their own interests, and consciously and unconsciously evaluating how well you would fit in a relationship where they would feel personally fulfilled.  Someone feels self-fulfilled when their self-worth is confirmed - feeling liked, interesting, respected, as worthy as anyone else, and valued.   

If you are good for someone else’s self-esteem, they will overlook failings you may have and forgive your weaknesses.  Your positive and negative qualities are not the other person’s concern.  The sense of self-worth they experience when talking to you is their utmost priority.  

You could be physically gorgeous, but this doesn't guarantee a relationship.  Many stars suffer from loneliness.  Extremely good looks can even be a hindrance to relationships.  People more gauge a person’s value based on how significant they feel standing next to them, and next to their ‘perfection.’  If you shine before them in all your glory, they will feel insignificant by comparison.  Wave your hand at all your fabulous qualities, and give attention to the person or people in front of you.  Make others feel that when they stand next to you, they will know their true worth, and you will steal their hearts.  

Talk to others with sincerity.  Don’t give the impression that you are trying to manipulate them with a learned psychological technique, or that you have a hidden agenda.  If you care enough to want someone to be well disposed toward you, then at the very least, they deserve your sincerity.  

People who present themselves as an interesting conversationalist, trying to show themselves in the best possible light by proving how clever they are, and dropping names to show how much they have seen and experienced in life – this way of acting is from inner intention, which is how the majority of people behave when they want to appear interesting to others.  Take a step back from the uniformity, and take a different stance.  Give others the opportunity to appear interesting, rather than trying to be an entertaining conversant.  

Sacrifice putting your own personality in the spot light, so that another’s personality can shine.  As a result, you receive the very thing you have sacrificed.  The other person will become an avid fan because you fulfilled their inner intention, which is something they would never experience in the company of a celebrity.  

To get someone to be interested in a business proposal that they are not remotely interested in, place yourself and your proposal to one side, and give your full attention.  Take a genuine interest in everything that person is involved in.  Only then will they show interest in your proposal.  

You may ask, “Why give attention to others when they are self-centered, and barely bother to talk to me?”  Well, why should they take an interest, admire, love, and respect you?  Everything you imagine to be true about yourself - how wonderful you are in comparison to them, is just a fantasy of inner intention clothed in the excess potential of ‘dependent,’ and ‘important’ relationships.  

Your advantage is that you are outer intention directed, while others are inner intention directed.  Make the most of your advantage.  If you want something from someone, let go of the intention to receive, and substitute with the intention to give.  It’s very easy to do.

If you want someone to respect you, respect them, and make them feel important.  If you need help and support, help and support someone else.  If you want mutual love, abandon possessiveness and dependency.  Be the one who does the loving, without expecting anything in return.   

If there’s something you want someone else to do, arrange matters so that everything corresponds to their wishes and goals.  Ask yourself how you can connect what you want with another person’s needs.  Start by defining the other’s needs.  These needs could be money, power,  the respect of others, a sense of fulfillment from work well done, care for their children, prestige, a leading role in their team, social recognition - all these things are variations on the theme of self-worth.  

No one should feel judged for their desire to feel more worthy.  Everyone is trying to increase their sense of self-worth.  They just go about it in different ways.  It’s much worse when someone stops developing, not wanting anything at all, although this happens very rarely.  Usually, people are in some way dissatisfied with their current position in life, and so strive for something.  

Work out how a task you have might improve someone’s sense of self-worth.  Then, present this to the other person in context to how this would increase their stature.  They will then experience greater faith in themselves.  When they do, be generously appreciative of them.   

Get others to take actions that fulfill your goals, with their actions being important to them.  All you have to do is wake up, drag yourself away from your own interests, and think about the needs of others.

Example:  If you are in retail, you think about how you can sell products to potential customers.  The buyer, however, doesn’t want to please you, and doesn’t want to be ‘sold to.’  They just want to buy.  The buyer is thinking, “I wish they wouldn’t keep trying to flog things to me, and just let me choose what I want to buy.”  Don’t think about how to sell your products.  Think about what the buyer might want to purchase.  

Once you are helping someone else realize their inner intention, consider casually what you need from that person.  While realizing the other person’s inner intention, make your request in passing.  You may find you don’t even have to hint at your own need(s), with everything unfolding of its own accord.  This is the magical power of outer intention.    

Issue a challenge:  “Who among you is the best?”  This appeals to the self-worth of others.  “Let’s show them what we’re made of!”  When appealing to self-worth, others will carry out what you want as though it was their own desire.  And, you will have their commitment because you have abandoned your own inner intention, paying attention to others.  Work with other people’s inner intention, and not your own.  

A common mistake:  “People are bound to buy our product, because our product is a masterpiece.”  This position is flawed on 3 accounts:

1.  “Our product is a masterpiece” is strongly directed by inner importance.  You can’t evaluate your product accurately, because you are not indifferent.  2.  Inner intention is aimed at selling.  To others, your product is not a masterpiece, and others have no interest in those who want to sell.  3.  The greatest flaw is that you are centered around a product, and not the needs of customers.

There’s no need to invent the object of demand.  Most inventions that are ahead of their time are not implemented, neither do they pay off.  This doesn’t mean innovation has no place.  The point is that if you are counting on a masterpiece that’s ahead of its time, you are likely to lose the bet.  Of course, your product could become a great success, but this certainly doesn’t happen all the time.  Only what fulfills customers’ current demands can be guaranteed success.

How do you make others want to buy your product?  The answer:  You cannot.  Or, if not impossible, it’s extremely difficult, because this is from inner intention.  Only going with the flow and using outer intention to know what the customers want, and where their needs have already been satisfied, yields the best results.  Changes by demand are shaped by the alternatives flow.  The alternatives flow contains all the answers, and is the only thing that can guarantee success.  

Only until very recently have inventions by Leonardo Da Vinci been made into physical form.  This would all seem quite obvious.  However, the mind is likely to forget, as it tries to break away from the stream, and take control of the current.  Make the most of the alternatives flow.  When you do, many an obstacle will pass you by untouched.  

We blame and criticize others when we are trying to control them with inner intention.  Yet, when you emphasize a person’s positive qualities, you lose nothing, and the situation develops to your benefit.  Never blame anyone.  

People can be hyper-critical of themselves, even to the point of sadomasochism.  And yet, they’ll take any accusation made by another very badly indeed.  People will always take offense to criticism, irrespective of whether they are in the wrong, or whether the accusation is fair or not.  Criticism only creates excess potential, with the one criticizing being the one to suffer.  You will never persuade someone that they are in the wrong.  They may listen to your accusations, but they’re unlikely to fully acknowledge being in the wrong, even if they superficially agree.  You may be able to assert yourself at their expense, and establish power over them, but not without adopting the role of manipulator.  If this is not your goal, abandon criticism and blame.  When you are blaming others, you are just slapping your hands on the water, trying to swim against the current.    

Never tell someone they are wrong.  It’s better to remain in a position of neutrality.  This protects you from damaging the other person’s self-worth, and from balanced forces.

When you resign yourself to the shortcomings of others and concentrate on their strengths, you go with the flow, which is immensely beneficial.  Stand back and observe the game as a spectator.  Remember that criticism only causes harm, and go with the flow.  

Blame and criticism never lead to anything positive, because this catches a person off balance, knocking them off course.  When encouraging a person no matter what, you urge them in a favorable direction without making them lose the flow, not undermining their innermost hopes.  When you encourage someone, no one’s rights are infringed upon, and no one’s pride is knocked.  Your interests become one, with their desires running parallel to your own.  

When being criticized, you either reject the criticism, or try to convince yourself that the criticism is well founded.  In both cases, you don’t accept the criticism outright unless you have developed your own personal guilt complex in the meantime.  Criticism can spur you on or make you behave as you should.  However, only the mind can be coerced.  It’s impossible to force the hand of the heart.  The heart will always do what it wants, or hinder the mind from making it do what the mind thinks it should do.  Criticism makes the heart the enemy of the mind.  Encouragement, however, makes it an ally.  

Arguing to the end to make a point is a sure way of making enemies.  If the argument is critical, and your interests in no way allow you to step down, then go ahead and argue.  In all other cases, leave exercising the right to slap one’s hands around in the water up to others.  

Winning a debate will never pay dividends.  Allow others to freely state what they cannot agree with.  You, on the other hand, will avoid the excess potential of battling against the current.  To avoid being drawn into the argument game, wake up, and switch on your inner guardian.  While everyone else is working with inner intention, insisting on their personal opinions, you have flown backwards from the window paine, and are taking a good look around.  All you can do is leave a suggestion, and leave the ‘horn locking’ to others.

If you can win the argument, consider yourself defeated.  Even if the opponent or opponents agree that you are right, numerous informal arguments are forming in their minds.  The one who loses the argument takes a blow to their self esteem, and the one who delivered the blow is the ‘winner.’  No one wants to be punched in the face, just as no one wants a punch to their feeling of self-worth.  
No one wants to reveal that they have to fight for their self-worth, despite the fact that we are all looking for confirmation, every step we take.  

Just because someone is silent after they lose an argument, this doesn’t mean they are not hurt.  They may consciously accept defeat, but their subconscious feels hurt.  

There’s one sure way to set a person against you, which is to let them know how much better you are than they.  Avoid hurting other people’s self-esteem like the plague.  

“Do not make idols for yourselves, and do not create enemies” is an important slogan you can have for creating relationships that go with the flow.  

Agree with the other person, and then calmly provide your point of view without insisting or trying to prove anything.  When taking this approach, you not only go with the flow.  You also implement outer intention.  This yields results beyond compare, far beyond intellectual contrivances.  The tone needs to be from a place of agreement from the very beginning.  

If someone’s first response is “No,” it’s out of the question to convince them.  There’s no way of flowing together in this instance.  It’s important to start a conversation where the first word someone else says is, “Yes.”  

Never begin a conversation with a sensitive issue.  Later in the conversation though, more heated issues can be discussed.  When going with the flow from the start, the more heated subjects won’t go into dissonance.  

If you slip up and expect to be blamed fairly, try not to get prepared to defend yourself.  Come forward in admitting your mistake.  Then, the person who intended to vent the wrath of justice upon you is likely to take a more generous and gracious stance.  In this instance, “Attack is the greatest form of defense” does not apply.  Because you voluntarily do all of this, your self-esteem will not suffer, and you validate the other’s inner intention.  You end up ‘killing two birds with one stone.’  You increase the standing of your opponent, and you keep your own integrity.

Trying to defend and justify yourself only gives your power to pendulums, from heightened inner importance.  Give yourself the right to make mistakes.  Don’t justify them.  Acknowledge them, and you will feel relieved.  

You are not obliged to say the other person is right, but do it anyway.  You have nothing to lose.  By admitting that the other person was right, you earn their good grace.  We live in an aggressive world of pendulums, where at any moment others may be forced to stand their ground and protect themselves.  Suddenly, you are offering to do that for them.  They are immediately relieved and grateful for assistance in the battle.  You are no longer a potential opponent, but are an ally.  

When someone turns out to be right, others usually just keep quiet.  However, when you openly express your opinion that the person was right, for that person, the moment will have huge significance, and they feel indebted, or at the very least, grateful to you.  Although, for the most part, the realization will be subconscious.  

We live in a jungle where everyone puts themselves first, ready to defend themselves.  This is no over-exaggeration.  It just seems that way because we have long become used to the current state of affairs.  Given the nature of the environment, you can become a great ally to those who are already tired of the battle.  Do you have any idea of how many allies you could find?  All it takes is dishing importance to others, and not holding back acknowledgment when you know they are right.

People are usually so anxious and burdened with importance, they wonder around failing to see the nuggets right under their noses.  You have huge advantages - mindfulness, the absence of importance, and the willingness to give others your attention.  Make the use of your advantages, and you will see gold where others only see stones.  

Mutual understanding cannot be achieved without attuning to the frequency of the other.  

Unique personality characteristics of someone, and their unique essence, is the definition of “fraile.”

When establishing a close connection with another, this is “frailing,” or tuning to that person’s special characteristics.  Being able to grasp the essence of the other’s fraile is the degree by which a connection is established.  

Without giving attention, it’s impossible to tune to another’s frequency.  A successful businessman once said, “Everyone wants to offer me something, but no one ever asks me what I need.”  

Because people are preoccupied with themselves, the most powerful way to establish a connection with a person is to bring the conversation within the context of their interests.  You attune to the thought-frequency of another when you talk in the language of their own interests.

When the rider and the donkey are lost in their own thoughts, the donkey will not do what the rider tells it to, stubbornly refusing to go in the right direction.  The donkey is thinking about carrots, so if you show the donkey a carrot, it will go wherever you want it to.  You are in effect inserting your own intention into the context of the donkey’s intention.  How does fulfilling someone else’s desire benefit the donkey?  If you can find an answer to this question, others will do what you need them to do.

Listen to the other person to know what they want.  If the other person is indifferent to you, talk about what interests them.  Put yourself in their shoes to understand what motivates them.  Then, when tuned into their frequency, you can smoothly move onto the issue that interests you.  

A person’s name is the simplest key to their frequency.  It’s inescapable that since birth, a person is appealed to by one name.  Use their name more often in a conversation, and it will have an effect.  Calling a person by their name is like a password that you acknowledge them and their worth.  

Everyone has a shield around them to guard their self-worth.  If you show that you have no intention of ‘pouncing’ on them, they will let their shield down.  Show a genuine liking for the other person to get through the barrier.  People love their pets so much because they are always so pleased to see us.  You don’t have to go as far as expressing ‘canine delight,’ but you can smile and greet someone enthusiastically, calling them by their name and listening intentively.  

There’s nothing more cold than to have a conversation based upon empty etiquette, with someone pulling on a smile as though it is an accessory.  

Everyone has their own resonant frequency - their own ‘forte’ - the thing they are particularly passionate about, interested in, or are proud of.  If you can determine a person’s true passion, discuss it with them, and give them a chance to express themselves, this is the most effective way of establishing a connection with someone.  If you can catch the ‘thread of their forte,’ wooing them will be easy.  

When asking someone of a favor, you increase their importance.  If you ask someone for help and emphasize their significance, they will feel needed, and you will win their favor.  

People will remember someone's generosity until the end of their days.

A person is not most wounded when ignored, insulted, beaten, or maimed.  The deepest wound of all is degradation.  People are most dear to their self-worth.

When someone has nothing more to gain in a material sense, they hunger for power to feed their self-worth.  Nothing excites people more than power, so you can imagine how self-worth plays in people’s actions and motivations.  

People with negative slides try to hide their negative qualities, and project them onto others.  If you give someone with negative slides their negativity back that they project onto you, expect a very turbulent reaction.  They are likely to become your worst enemy.  It’s better to leave other people’s negative slides alone.

Being in love is of course a perfect way to tune into someone’s fraile.  Love can be preserved once it has flowered if it’s not turned into a dependent relationship.  However, there’s nothing you can do to make yourself fall in love.  Love is a mystery - this is all that can be said.

When attuning to each other, great things can be accomplished that definitely could not be possible with inner intention.  

Suppose someone is attacking you, or suppose you need something from someone.  In both cases, determine what is driving that person, what is ‘eating at them,’ and what they lack, which could be health, confidence, or inner calm.  Everyone has something that eats away at them, even if it’s relatively small.  Imagine that person getting exactly what they want.  The first thing that comes to mind is fine.  It can be something cliché if you want, like them happily skipping through a bunch of flowers.  Then the person will become well-disposed toward you, seemingly for no reason.  If you can tap into someone’s fraile and uplift them, they will feel as though a comforting wave has come over them.  

It doesn’t matter if the other person knows why they feel good around you.  The result is that you have won their good will.  Any visualization to uplift someone should be sincere, with unity of heart and mind.  If you genuinely wish someone well, the result can be quite substantial.  As you know, it’s the abundance of free energy that makes a person charming, magnetic, powerful, and charismatic.

People mostly pick up on a powerful personality subconsciously.  The force of a person’s energy is proportional to the volume of free energy they run, and the strength of their connection between their heart and mind.  The excess energy flows in a fountain, and is felt by others.  

Charm is the energy someone radiates when they have union of heart and mind.  When you have more charm, your face looks softer and more attractive.  To confirm this, look at photos of yourself when you went through a dark period, and compare with photos of yourself when being ‘high vibrational.’  

When overflowing with a fountain of energy, also have positive visualizations of someone you’re talking to, being the exact opposite of an energy vampire.  This gives a huge advantage in many areas - careers, a romantic partner, etc.   

Imagine carrying a piglet everywhere you go, having to constantly quiet it down.  Imagine the relief and energy that’s freed up if you let the piglet go.  Such is the case with shortcomings.  The more importance you give to your shortcomings, the greater the excess potential and balanced forces will be.  Focus on your strengths to be free and at ease.      

When having to be at your best, release yourself from the burden of your shortcomings.

The battle with your shortcomings is inner intention - the fly beating itself against the window paine.  Eliminating excess potential and freeing up energy gives you a huge advantage.  

“What the eye fears, the hands do.”  What is better?  To be tortured by doubt, to wallow in your hangups, to lick you lips in desire and fitfully conceal your weaknesses?  Or, to simply shake off the baggage, and calmly fulfill the work of purified intention?

If you can’t drop importance, at least let go of the grip of control, and shift from worrying to taking action.  Just begin the process of doing, in whatever way you can.  It doesn’t matter if your actions are initially effective or not.  Allow yourself to act badly.  The potential of importance will be dissipated in the course of action.  The energy of intention will be released, and everything will work out fine.  

(The rest of this chapter discusses jobs.)

With jobs, you have the right to choose, and your potential is only limited by your intention and the level of importance you attribute to it.  When arriving at a decision of what job most suits you, don’t think about prestige, the means to achieving it, or your shortcomings.  Instead, focus on whether the job is really for you or not.  If you have doubts, pendulums will try to create the necessary conditions for anxiety, disappointment, and despair.  Be aware of this, and maintain the confidence that you have the right to choose, and that if you make an order, sooner or later, it will be delivered.  

Anything is possible in the alternatives space, although pendulums will try to convince you otherwise.  All you have to do is choose, and hold the firm intention to receive your order.  

The greater the indifference to your order, the sooner it will be completed.  The absence of desire allows you to concentrate on the intention to act, rather than worrying about the possibility of failing.

You can use the following slide:  You make your own choice deciding on the kind of job you want, but how you will find it has nothing to do with you.  

Of course, if finances require, you may have to take whatever is available.  However, once basic necessities are met, you can make the order for a job you really want.  

If you enjoy a job but feel tension even when using positive slides, it’s best to look for something else.  

In a resume, choose one quality they are looking for and make it the main focus.  Don’t have many different areas of focus, because this will make you appear desperate, willing to do anything for a job.  

When writing resume, write in accordance to what the employer wants and needs.  Use the employer’s language, rather than coming up with your own eloquent phrases.  Imagine that rather than being a job applicant, you are actually the employer compiling a template of the ideal resume of your future employee.  Then, your resume will meet their criteria, rather than your own.  

Look for resumes of specialists in your field.  This will give you a huge advantage - you will discover all sorts of useful details.  

Instead of being in ‘seeking mode’ when looking for a job, announce your presence, and the let the job find you.  Whether or not they are hiring, send resumes out to where you want to work.   

Be solely focused on your employer’s inner intention.  If you know the spirit of the company, you will be their type of person.  

The more you try not to get anxious in an interview, the more it will not work.  The only way to reduce stress when in the ‘hot seat’ is to accept the possibility of failure.  Purify your intention from desire.  You are going to the interview not to be offered the job, and not to pass the interview, but to literally get through it.  Do not strive for your goal.  Concentrate on the process.  Enjoy the interview process like any other event in life.  Nobody is going to eat you, and you have nothing to lose.  Cast off all doubt.  You have already entertained the possibility of failure, so you have nothing to lose.

Only in the light of the employer’s concerns can you be the best, so your task lies in answering questions in such a way that you return to the context of the employer’s concerns.  The skill lies in at the same time giving precise answers without talking profusely or deviating from the subject.  Vague answers with lengthy explanations always irritate employers.  As soon as the opportunity arises, try to touch on issues relating to what the company does, what it takes pride in, and what problems it may be facing.  Focus on how your qualities can be resolutions to their problems.   

If you are not a successful applicant, the job was not meant for you.  You never know what problems you may have escaped, so luckily.  Be calm and wait for the job that is meant for you, and you will be the successful applicant.  If you have been accepted with a position that is meant for another, you can expect to come into problems.  So, carry on searching for the job that is yours.  The issue of work should not be the grounds for the slightest wave of inner discomfort.  Go to work as if to a celebration.